And kudos on looking after mum. Been dere, dunnat. It's one of the hardest, and one of the most rewarding life choices one can make.
Advice from a nurse, acting in a professional capacity: "Keep a pillow handy. When necessary, bury your head in it and scream".Fuck nursing homes. The best of them are still warehousing networks.
With luck, by the time nursing homes are needed, "warehousing" isn't completely inappropriate.
Heart attacks have their advantages, pneumonia used to be known as "the old persons' friend".
I hope you understand I mean no disparagement of your occupation; quite the opposite: I know intimately the horrors anyone who does this sees, lives and does their best to keep to themselves. In the best of circumstances you live a constant double-bind on a dozen different fronts, and sooner or later it does catch up with you, no matter how hard you compartmentalize.
My mother did: ER nursing, Convalescent Care, Psych Nursing, Respiratory Rehab, and PT. Every discipline has it's own horrors, but they all boil down to some utterly sociopathic aspect of the same social disease: our for-profit medical care "system" and the bureaucracy it has spawned.
Like TEA, to be a nurse "Masochism is not only endemic, it is required."
The problem with the "warehousing" template is that our medical care "system" applies this template to ALL users, in all aspects of medical care, as it is the most efficient means of separating the person from their money (or the money they represent to the system) with the least expenditure from the system. Individual needs and quality of life are at best a tertiary consideration any more, even in the best facilities. The worst are fucking meat grinders.
The nurses are those who must somehow face both the infernal engines of bureaucracy and the weakness of mortal flesh and reconcile; it is a task none take up for the money, that is certain.
Yes; my mother intimated the same to me about pneumonia and heart attacks; also relating to me the Inuit custom of the elderly to go "sit on the ice" when they felt their time had come. I have no doubt she chose her time in this manner; she had the knowledge and the will to do so. Crazy wicked smart that woman was; she did everything she could to prepare
"Mother Nature's Son" for her passing. And all she could to prepare me for a life without her in a world that she knew was "outright crazy and getting crazier by the day".
Thank you for heeding the call as she did; thank you for taking up that mantle.
mnem
*Namaste'* "Peace be with you, my friend."