A couple nights ago I was suffering some insomnia; out of boredom I put on my RPG slippers and poured a glass of warm almond milk and bourbon and started writing. For over an hour.
I was going to post it all at once but it was really too much... then I got waylaid by family time and work orders before I could finish editing it down to "amusement" rather than *OMG my brain hurts* size.
So I'm going to break it up into 3 parts as I complete the editing; this should make each installment small enough to be easily overlooked for those not interested, yet easily digestible for those who are amused by such flights of fancy.
*Prepares several clean buckets and "Next of Kin" notifications in case tonight's game turns kill-y*
Now be fair, that only properly happened once, when one of Bran Mac Muffin's men had two, two priestess cards tucked into his breachclout. What makes it all the more annoying is that Cerebus was all set to empty Weishauptt's pockets fair and square until that barbarian idiot slapped an extra priestess onto the table. Seeing the look on Weishauptt's face would have been much more enjoyable than the sword-fight, probably. But yes, you're most probably right - for good measure, best add a couple of barrels of sawdust too.
Part 1 : Negotiations and Love SongsThe West dining room was just the right size, and the long hallway that led to it opened just inside the main gate, so was easily defensible by his hand-picked personal guard. Cerebus preferred to rely on them (to such extent as he trusted anyone) in case word got to the wrong people (a virtual certainty) and somebody decided to try and take the whole room at once instead of lying in wait on the highways leading to neighboring cities from which all manner of businessmen, middle-level beaurocrats and courtisans had been invited, along with a few select members of various clergy.
Eight tables had been set out with 4 chairs each; even with a 2,000 crown buy-in every seat was claimed. This large assembly would make a very attractive target if one was so intent; fortunately, very few possessed the means and inclination to take such a prize. The huge chamber already echoed with boisterous banter as seats were filled; meanwhile, not too far away a much more intimate meeting was coming to an end... Cerebus sat on the edge of the bed contemplating a scar on his left foot for a few moments, wondering how he'd ever allowed himself to become a "responsible party". Then, shaking his head, he reached for his most comfortable trousers and tugged them on in preparation for the Match Diamondback tournament at the other end of the castle. The funk of the afternoon's "conference" still hung heavily around him; he smiled knowing that not all who would attend were human, and some would also be able to detect the lingering traces of his tryst with the amply-endowed Brandi.
"Oh, don't go..." she purred, nibbling on one ear while rubbing that spot in his back.
"Cerebus must... this tournament will bring together important people from all three city-states, and several of the surrounding territories. It ain't just about looting a bunch of easy marks... this is about making contacts. Our city's economy alone could double over the next few years if Cerebus plays his cards right."
Brandi pouted. "But I love the feel of your fur when you're not covered in gore. I could bathe you again..." she offered, pulling on his shoulders. He paused for a moment, genuinely tempted. But only for a moment.
"Later... there'll be time for lots of that later, and I'm sure there will be something sparkly in the pot that's just perfect for your delightful neck." Brandi's emerald eyes glittered as she winked. "Something that matches these?"
"If there isn't, we'll go shopping." the earth-pig promised with a sly grin over his shoulder, now fully dressed and gallumphing out the door.
End Part 1 ; Continued Tomorrow with Part 2: Whether Earth-pigs Have Wingsmnem
Well, now that's out there...