PROGRESS!
I've got the SSD1309 display working! it is mirrored unfortunately though.
May be you can correct this problem
The MCU send a A0 command (COL0=SEG0) at startup of the u1253.
If you count the WR pulses, when you see the ninth you force the line D0 to 1 (COL131=SEG0) to transform the command A0 to A1.
But if the MCU send an A0 command later, you're dead!
Or you can use a comparator (more wires)
If D/C=0 and data=A0 and WR=0, you force D0 to 1 before the rising edge of WR
It's just an idea, not sure it'll work.
Marc