Ham jokes, know any?

[retrolefty]

Lets start a collection. Here is one I heard a couple of years ago that I liked.

Ham walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.
"where did you get that?" asked the bartender
"Dayton of course" answered the parrot.

More traditional:

 If your antenna didn't fall down last winter then it's too small.

[Delta]

I thought one of the prerequisites to qualifying for an amateur radio licence was a complete lack of any sense of humour...




[ducking]   

[w2aew]

True story...  ...a friend that I used to go to hamfests with had a T-shirt that read:

"My wife said that if I transmit one more time, she's going to leave me...  ...Over"

[GreyWoolfe]

Not necessarily a joke but when SWMBO attended her first (and only) club meeting with me, afterwards she said, 'Oh my God, there are more just like you.'  Not sure what she meant by that.

When I first got into ham radio, HF mobile was the only way for me to get away from the repeaters.  I had 3 antennas on my car and using it for my field service tech job.  I pulled up to a customer's house.  He was outside and asked me, before I said anything, if I was with the CIA.  With a straight face, I told him-no, I was a national weather service mobile lightning attractor.  The look on his face was precious.  Then I told him why I was there.

[German_EE]

The best ham joke I know is 'your signal report is 59' closely followed by a request for you to send your name and location again 

However, try these two:

The sex life of an electron http://www.csd.uwo.ca/~magi/personal/humour/Computer_Audience/The%20Sex%20Life%20Of%20An%20Electron.html

Or this little ditty sung to the tune of 'The Battle Hymn of the Republic'

OH, MINE EYES HAVE SEEN THE GLORY OF THE TELETYPE MACHINE,
IT IS PRINTING OUT THE MESSAGE TYPED UPON THE KEYS OF GREEN
IN A FAR DISTANT HAM SHACK WHERE I HAVE NEVER BEEN.
THE TONES ARE WARBLING ON.
  RY RY HALLELUJAH
  RY RY HALLELUJAH
  RY RY HALLELUJAH
  THE TONES ARE WARBLING ON
I HAVE PRINTED ON THE LOW BANDS WHERE THE QRM ENCAMPS
AND THE CROWDING OF THE SPECTRUM MY RECEPTION SORELY CRAMPS
WHERE I HAVE PRINTED SOLID COPY BY THE FLICKERING NEON LAMPS.
THE TONES ARE MARCHING ON.
  RY RY HALLELUJAH
  RY RY HALLELUJAH
  RY RY HALLELUJAH
  THE TONES ARE WARBLING ON
ON MY WALL IS PASTED COPY FROM SEATTLE TO NEW YORK
AND MY FRIENDS THEY GATHER ROUND ME AND THEY THINK I'V POPPED MY CORK
WHEN I'M GAZING THRU THE SHUTTERS OF THE SPEED ADJUSTING FORK,
WHILE THE TONES ARE WARBLING ON..
  RY RY HALLELUJAH
  RY RY HALLELUJAH
  RY RY HALLELUJAH
  THE TONES ARE WARBLING ON
ALL HAIL THEE OH  PRINTER, PAINTED GREEN, BLACK OR GRAY
WITH THY BLACK SHELLED PLUG INSERTED IN A JACK MARKED "FSK"
LET US SIT BEFORE THE GREEN KEYS AND WE'LL THROW OUR MIKES AWAY.
WHILE THE TONES ARE MARCHING ON

  RY RY HALLELUJAH
  RY RY HALLELUJAH
  RY RY HALLELUJAH
  THE TONES ARE WARBLING ON
 TONES ARE MARCHING ON

[voltz]

Not just for hams:

"she was only the electronic engineers daughter but he couldn't resistor"..

(i made that up

[Dubbie]

Don't quit your day job voltz.


Sent from my phone using Tapatalk

[voltz]

Haha, its all i got Dubbie.

[xyrtek]

town with 2 hams = 1 radio club
town with 3 hams = 2 radio clubs

[integritetus]

Always a favorite in the licensing classes I've taught:



More of Andrew and Lissa:

www.hamband.com

[integritetus]

Not specifically ham radio, but close enough if you'll indulge me, is Clifford Stoll's exceptionally humorous Ted Talk.  Prominently features a brilliant demonstration of the relationship between frequency and wavelength using an oscilloscope.  I use the same demonstration in my technician license classes.  Enjoy.

https://www.ted.com/talks/clifford_stoll_on_everything?language=en

[The_Penguin]

town with 2 hams = 1 radio club
town with 3 hams = 2 radio clubs

So true