Ok, so you've removed R6, R7 and R10, and the only remaining connection to Vcc_5 is through J1 when it's pressed. That should mean the Vcc pin is at ground when the power is off, and the mosfet should work properly.
I think I found the reason why connecting Vcc_5 to the reset pin didn't back-power the processor. It appears the reset pin is involved in high-voltage flashing of the chip, and therefore doesn't have the protection diode to Vcc. Section 18 of the datasheet shows the absolute maximum voltage on reset as 13V, versus Vcc + 0.5V for all the other I/Os.
There is also a question whether you need an external pullup on the reset pin. I think you probably don't, and it can be left open. But you would have to test that. If an external pullup is required though, I would connect it to Vcc, not Vcc_5, just because that's where it's supposed to go.
And I still don't think you need the pulldown resistor on D2.