engineering jokes

[dbctronic]

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are attending a conference. They stay in hotel rooms with walls that meet at a common corner.
An outlet in the corner shorts out and starts a fire. The engineer runs for his room's fire extinguisher, douses the outlet, then douses the wall for a two foot radius around. He then starts writing a log and observes it for the next two hours.
The physicist does a quick calculation on a notepad, gets his fire extinguisher, and douses his wall with one precise burst. He is satisfied after ten minutes that he's put it out.
The mathematician stares at the fire in his wall, thinks for a moment, then runs into the bathroom and runs water on his hand. He nods and goes back to bed.

[BU508A]

A police officer stops a car. Behind the steering wheel sits Heisenberg.
Officer: "Sir, do you know how fast you were driving?"
Heisenberg: "No, but I do know exactly where I am."

Better version:

Heisenberg, Schrödinger and Ohm are in a car and they get pulled over. Heisenberg is driving and the cop asks him “Do you know how fast you were going?”

“No, but I know exactly where I am” Heisenberg replies.

The cop says “You were doing 55 in a 35.” Heisenberg throws his handy and shouts “Great! Now I’m lost!”

The cop thinks this is suspicious and orders him to pop open the trunk. He checks it out and says “Do you know you have a dead cat back here?”

“We do now, asshole!” shouts Schroedinger.

The cop moves to arrest them. Ohm resists.

[mrflibble]

That's really poor maths. The reactive power need to be orthogonal to the active power.

I tried that, but the beer fell out.

Pffff, wrong dimension. The normal vector should be parallel to that time arrow thingy. That neatly solves the orthogonality and beer existence problem in one go. *burp*

[MrMobodies]

I have a small simple joke:

A manager walks into a firm and says to everyone, "We're going to be needing new firmware in this office so therefore you're all FIRED!"

[BU508A]

I have a small simple joke:

A manager walks into a firm and says to everyone, "We're going to be needing new firmware in this office so therefore you're all FIRED!"

Ungh!, That's a mean one! 

[bd139]

We regularly refer to the office folk as firmware or meatspace

[hwj-d]

I'm empty. So, no need to fire me ... 

[Nominal Animal]

That's really poor maths. The reactive power need to be orthogonal to the active power.

I tried that, but the beer fell out.

Pffff, wrong dimension. The normal vector should be parallel to that time arrow thingy. That neatly solves the orthogonality and beer existence problem in one go. *burp*

Took me a while, but I contacted some of my crosstime alternatives.  They got frigging angry, me talking about beer.  Most of them have to drink kilju, since there is no more beer there due to the nuclear fallout. Kilju being made of water, sugar, and yeast (they say they use a small dead critter instead), has no head.

Oh wait, you said parallel, not perpendicular...  Nevermind.

[daqq]

99 little bugs in the code,
99 little bugs. Take one down,
 patch it around,
117 little bugs in the code.

[Larryc001]

I don’t know if this has anything to do with engineering but I thought it is pretty funny.

The Gerrymandering font

https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-apps/imrs.php?src=https://arc-anglerfish-washpost-prod-washpost.s3.amazonaws.com/public/KC3PGZHZBJFZDFF5S5VKVCDNJM.jpg&w=916

[BU508A]

Best picture so far about Neowise 

[BU508A]

[CatalinaWOW]

Don McMillan has some very pointed and funny videos about engineering topics. 

https://technicallyfunny.com/videos/

You can also find many on YouTube

[greenpossum]

What goes "Pieces of Seven"?

A Parroty error, of course.

I'll get my coat

I have to say I liked your joke most. Most of the others I'd heard before or they were meh.

I thought it should be pieces of nine, but now I realise it's as it should be:

Pieces of Nine is a parity error.
Pieces of Seven is a parroty error.

 

[Sal Ammoniac]

[CatalinaWOW]

Classic error.  In a situation where new rules are made up that don't obey existing laws of physics how can you assume classic rules of physics apply?  When going Warp whatever do you assume that the mass of the Enterprise is some factor greater than infinity?

Who knows what rules apply to Warp space and Warp drive.  Whatever the current plot line requires.

[coppice]

Classic error.  In a situation where new rules are made up that don't obey existing laws of physics how can you assume classic rules of physics apply?  When going Warp whatever do you assume that the mass of the Enterprise is some factor greater than infinity?

Who knows what rules apply to Warp space and Warp drive.  Whatever the current plot line requires.

I agree. To the best of my memory the series consistently required continuous power to sustain warp drive, but the ships acted in a realistic Newtonian way at sub light speeds.

[Ed.Kloonk]

[BU508A]

    

Edit:

The postings related to this statement have been deleted for any reason.

Again:

    

[Simon]

Sobered up yet?

[bd139]

Sobered up yet?

That'll be a no then 

[Ed.Kloonk]

Sobered up yet?

Darmok at Tanagra.

Temba, his arms wide.

[BU508A]

Sobered up yet?

Darmok at Tanagra.

Temba, his arms wide.

“Darmok and Jalad on the ocean.”
“Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra.”

* BU508A is shaking his universal translator.

"Dammit!"


“Temba, his arms open.”

"Temba! My Ass!!"


 

[tpowell1830]

Sobered up yet?

Darmok at Tanagra.

Temba, his arms wide.

“Darmok and Jalad on the ocean.”
“Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra.”

* BU508A is shaking his universal translator.

"Dammit!"


“Temba, his arms open.”

"Temba! My Ass!!"


 

SG1 anyone...

[Ed.Kloonk]

I am the egg man.