Author Topic: engineering jokes (Read 143864 times)

nigelwright7557 · « **Reply #100 on:** August 06, 2019, 10:01:28 am »

She was only the electronic engineers daughter but no one could resistor.

tocsa120ls · « **Reply #101 on:** August 28, 2019, 12:47:10 pm »

On a recent video recommendation by youtube...

Q: How many amp techs does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Just one -- he begins at the front door and replaces every bulb in the building until he gets the one that is out.

BU508A · « **Reply #102 on:** August 28, 2019, 04:34:17 pm »

Q: "What goal do you have?"

A: "Knocking-off time."

Q: "And on the long run?"

A: "Weekend."

macboy · « **Reply #103 on:** August 30, 2019, 04:24:04 pm »

Three engineers from America, Germany, and Japan are playing golf. They hear ringing. The Japanese engineer says "excuse me, I'm getting a call", extends his little finger and thumb, holding his hand to his face, and proceeds to carry on a conversation. He finishes, and explains that he was using his company's latest prototype, a phone built in to his hand. The others were impressed. Later, they hear ringing again. the German says "excuse me, I'm getting a call", taps the side of his head, and has a short conversation. When done, he explained he was using the latest in German technology: a phone built in to his head. The others were impressed. Later, the American says "excuse me...", walks to the bushes, drops his pants, squats, and explains, "I'm getting a fax!".

coppercone2 · « **Reply #104 on:** August 31, 2019, 03:34:39 am »

this is what you look like when you see test equipment

ChunkyPastaSauce · « **Reply #105 on:** August 31, 2019, 04:13:06 am »

bsfeechannel · « **Reply #106 on:** September 05, 2019, 03:28:51 am »

BU508A · « **Reply #107 on:** October 10, 2019, 08:53:52 am »

A police officer stops a car. Behind the steering wheel sits Heisenberg.
Officer: "Sir, do you know how fast you were driving?"
Heisenberg: "No, but I do know exactly where I am."

BU508A · « **Reply #108 on:** October 10, 2019, 06:30:18 pm »

Erwin Schrödinger is seeing the veterinary surgeon.
Says the vet: "Regarding your cat: I have good news and bad news ..."

Sal Ammoniac · « **Reply #109 on:** October 10, 2019, 06:47:15 pm »

String Theory

SiliconWizard · « **Reply #110 on:** October 10, 2019, 07:07:38 pm »

Quote from: Sal Ammoniac on October 10, 2019, 06:47:15 pm

String Theory

rhodges · « **Reply #111 on:** October 10, 2019, 09:05:32 pm »

I just saw this one in Jack Ganssle's newsletter.

Quote

From Tom Razov:

A QA engineer walks into a bar. Orders a beer. Orders 0 beers. Orders 99999999999 beers. Orders a lizard. Orders -1 beers. Orders a ueicbksjdhd. First real customer walks in and asks where the bathroom is. The bar bursts into flames, killing everyone.

fourfathom · « **Reply #112 on:** October 10, 2019, 10:59:25 pm »

If architects designed buildings like software engineers designed programs, than the first woodpecker that came along would destroy all civilization.

Canis Dirus Leidy · « **Reply #113 on:** October 27, 2019, 08:10:35 am »

"Tinning, soldering, computer repair!"

"We invited a hypnotist to debug a computer".

"Look at him! Going to DIY club instead of music school!"

Black Phoenix · « **Reply #114 on:** October 27, 2019, 08:24:20 am »

lwatts666 · « **Reply #115 on:** October 27, 2019, 10:56:32 am »

From an article about network security analysis of an internet connected pet feeder device:

The 'S' in 'IoT' stands for Security.

NiHaoMike · « **Reply #116 on:** October 27, 2019, 01:52:27 pm »

Quote from: lwatts666 on October 27, 2019, 10:56:32 am

From an article about network security analysis of an internet connected pet feeder device:

The 'S' in 'IoT' stands for Security.

The "S" in "HTTP" stands for Security. Guess why "HTTPS" was invented. Should we invent "IoTS"?

bd139 · « **Reply #117 on:** October 27, 2019, 02:39:07 pm »

No because the S would stand for shit then

SiliconWizard · « **Reply #118 on:** October 27, 2019, 02:47:00 pm »

Quote from: lwatts666 on October 27, 2019, 10:56:32 am

From an article about network security analysis of an internet connected pet feeder device:

The 'S' in 'IoT' stands for Security.

GlennSprigg · « **Reply #119 on:** October 28, 2019, 11:28:30 am »

Ok, this is lame... but the majority of MY jokes would otherwise be banned here!....

Irishman on a building site. Asked by his boss to measure the height of a long pole leaning
up against a wall. Johno says to Paddy... "Lay it down on the ground, then measure it!!"...
Paddy says... "Don't be stupid!, he wants the height not the width!!"

Then 'Paddy' went to his boss, complaining about the wheelbarrow squeaking. Told the boss....
"When I wheel it, it goes... Squeak...........Squeak.............Squeak............."
The boss told him he was Sacked!! When he asked why, the boss told him....
"When 'I' wheel it, it goes... Squeak,Squeak,Squeak,Squeak"

Black Phoenix · « **Reply #120 on:** October 28, 2019, 01:48:40 pm »

Quote from: GlennSprigg on October 28, 2019, 11:28:30 am

Ok, this is lame... but the majority of MY jokes would otherwise be banned here!....

Irishman on a building site. Asked by his boss to measure the height of a long pole leaning
up against a wall. Johno says to Paddy... "Lay it down on the ground, then measure it!!"...
Paddy says... "Don't be stupid!, he wants the height not the width!!"

Then 'Paddy' went to his boss, complaining about the wheelbarrow squeaking. Told the boss....
"When I wheel it, it goes... Squeak...........Squeak.............Squeak............."
The boss told him he was Sacked!! When he asked why, the boss told him....
"When 'I' wheel it, it goes... Squeak,Squeak,Squeak,Squeak"

Both of them have exactly the same equivalent in Portuguese, it's basically a translation word by word.

GlennSprigg · « **Reply #121 on:** November 02, 2019, 12:35:47 pm »

I really don't have anything against the Irish!! (I was once one!).
Can't help sharing this one too though... (not sure about the 'engineering' aspect...)

Paddy is holidaying in London, and keen to get home he phones the airport...
Paddy: "Can ya be tellin' me when's the next floight to Dublin!!"
Operator: "Just a minute..."
Paddy: Immediately hangs up... "Jesus Chroist I better hurry, to catch Dat one!!!!"
Paddy is racing along the Motorway, and sees a sign... "Airport Left"....
So he turned around and went back to the Pub.

HEY, the Irish aren't ALL silly !!!... after all, it was an Irishman who
invented the Ejector Seat for a Helicopter !!

(Sorry...

)

Gyro · « **Reply #122 on:** November 02, 2019, 12:57:52 pm »

Quote from: GlennSprigg on November 02, 2019, 12:35:47 pm

HEY, the Irish aren't ALL silly !!!... after all, it was an Irishman who
invented the Ejector Seat for a Helicopter !!

(Sorry... )

Hey, those are a real thing - they do jettison the rotor blades first though.

BU508A · « **Reply #123 on:** November 13, 2019, 12:17:33 pm »

If you need to explain active power, reactive power and apparent power to somebody which is not familiar with EE then I recommend to have a beer.

coppice · « **Reply #124 on:** November 13, 2019, 01:08:44 pm »

Quote from: BU508A on November 13, 2019, 12:17:33 pm

If you need to explain active power, reactive power and apparent power to somebody which is not familiar with EE then I recommend to have a beer.

That's really poor maths. The reactive power need to be orthogonal to the active power.


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Author Topic: engineering jokes (Read 143864 times)

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