Below is a letter I sent to Mr. Bob Pease back in 2002 in response to one of his audiophoolery columns. His reply is in all caps, included in the body of my text.
Mr. Pease,
I know you are a very busy person, but this article is quite amusing -
although it is not the author's intention. I have never seen technical
terms so misused. What is "tight" sound? How can sound be "flavored?"
What does vanilla "sound like?" All interesting questions,
*** VERRRRY INTERESTING - - BUT -- STUPID....
but I must exist in the real world, where it is occasionally necessary to splice a speaker cable, regardless of what kind of flavor or tension it adds to my sound.
*** OH, but SPLICING would be a bad idea. Just buy new
ones of the required length, or it will sound bad
because of the splice....
http://www.soundstage.com/synergize/synergize121998.htm
(follow the link above if you have some time to kill and want to read a lot of audiophoolery.)
.
LOL
I've compiled a list of some wank audiophool words and phrases:
loudspeaker-cable treatment
conductor material and purity
dielectric material and purity
construction geometry
tighter sound
sound has a pinched and strident character
purity
impurity
electron flow
boundaries
grains per foot
efficient
distortion
frequency integrity
transmission
time-domain integrity
highs are known to travel much faster through most conductors than do lows (NO NO NO NO NO NO)
consistent response
dynamic capability
dynamic changes
musical signals
repeated collisions
sonic result
harshness
brightness
veiling effect
harmonic dullness
enormous collision occurrence
signals arriving at the speakers too early, and some arriving too late (AGAIN NO NO NO NO NO NO)
true timing
subtle harmonic structure
typically resonant and gritty sound
micro variety dynamics
very rapid progress of subsequent oxidation
sonic consequence
each signal packet is essentially sheared off by repeatedly smacking into those crystalline barriers
signal fractals being uncorrected
functionally perfect copper
single crystal filament
power cords
Pro-AC11
standard Belden-type Pass Labs Aleph 3 cord
change in the treble character
analyze the difference (With what? Gold plated aoudiophool grade ears?)
high-frequency information
addition of lower harmonic structure
bronzier attribute to the cymbals
overall flavor of the sound
fill-in of harmonic structure
Dusty Vawter-modified Audio Alchemy Power Station Two
hardness
high-frequency integrity
lower-treble harmonics
better bronzy flavor (What exactly does bronze taste like?)
upper strings more bite
truthful vitality to trumpets, trombones and other metallic instruments
enhancement of the lower registers
better defined in pitch, speed and location
Pro-9 Plus biwire speaker cables
visual continuity to the whole line
balance
rhythmic timing
better-delineated soundstage and tightening of the image outlines without losing the air around instruments (WHAT?)
overall tonality
truthful
broad band
top to bottom
over-pronounced
detailed
bass extension
fine pitch definition
detail without harshness
bass-shy
treble-hot flavor
unreal shimmer to the cymbals
missing the brass tone
digital cables (don't go there just dont)
more accurate shadings in timbre and dynamics
vivid
realistic
soundstage
phantom image
micro and macro dynamics
low-level detail
focused
acoustic
honest sounding
Goertz Alpha-Core MI-2 copper biwires
Von Schweikert Research VR 4 Generation II
And that's just from this text. There are a loooot more out there.
I think it's nice to have a thread about audiophools now and then just to relieve yourself.