engineering jokes

[rfclown]

What Engineers find humorous. What a bargain, give me a real! I was just looking up what an attiny25 costs.

[BU508A]

I saw my math teacher with a piece of graph paper yesterday.
I think he must be plotting something.

What did the triangle say to the circle?
"You're pointless!"

A talking sheepdog rounds up all the sheep into the pen for his farmer.
He comes back and says: "Okay, Chief - all 40 sheep accounted for."
The farmer says: "But I've counted them and I've only got 36!"
The sheepdog replies: "I know, but I rounded them up."

Why did the student get upset when her teacher called her average?
It was a mean thing to say.

What do you get if you divide the circumreference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.

Why do atheists have trouble with exponents?
They don't believe in higher powers!

[MrMobodies]

I like that, a mean thing to say

I have a few:

A poltergeist is sent out to repossess a property where it changes it locks so the owners can't get back in, now a practitioner is sent out to find out what the poltergeist wants.
A bank repossessing someone's home when they default on their debt.


There is a satellite box made a company that sells them in England, the box and hardware belongs to the customer but in there also lives a troll in every box . As soon as you leave the contract or stop paying, this troll will stop you from recording/viewing playback of freeview television or terrestrial and even drama or films that you might have paid for and downloaded from this company until you give in to the trolls demand and start paying again.
Sky.com satellite boxes.

[SeanB]

That is why I bought a FTA receiver, as there is no subscription, no monthly fee and the only cost is the power used to operate it. Even has a DVR functionality, though I never have used it, as I mainly use it to listen to radio.

[G7PSK]

The  Chief engineer at an airplane factory called all his men together. Right he says, every time the plane does a barrel roll the wings break off we have tried everything has anyone further ideas we have got to fix this.

There is a long pause and no one answers so he say come someone please, a hand goes up at the back and a man steps forward in old coveralls, the Chief engineer asks can you fix this, the man says he needs a drill with a one inch bit and a step ladder, well we have tried everything the chief says so I will let you try, so the man proceeds to drill a row of holes across each wing where they keep breaking. The test pilot takes the plane up and does every thing he can but the wings stay on, when he lands the plane the chief engineer ask the man which department he is from, he replies I am the janitor and one thing I have noticed in my work is the toilet paper never tears along the perforations.   

[YurkshireLad]

I saw my math teacher with a piece of graph paper yesterday.
I think he must be plotting something.

What did the triangle say to the circle?
"You're pointless!"

A talking sheepdog rounds up all the sheep into the pen for his farmer.
He comes back and says: "Okay, Chief - all 40 sheep accounted for."
The farmer says: "But I've counted them and I've only got 36!"
The sheepdog replies: "I know, but I rounded them up."

Why did the student get upset when her teacher called her average?
It was a mean thing to say.

What do you get if you divide the circumreference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.

Why do atheists have trouble with exponents?
They don't believe in higher powers!

    

[MrMobodies]

A couple of lads go to a shop on the high street and when they came out they came out broke.

Ladbrokes

[AlfBaz]

Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac?

He woke up in the middle of the night and said "Is there a dog?"

[SuntUnMorcov]

!false - it's funny because it's true.

I'd tell you all a joke about NAT, but I'd have to translate it for you.

What does the success of my joke delivery and IEEE 1588 have in common?  It's all in the timing.

[SuntUnMorcov]

Also, this is definitely worth a listen: https://youtu.be/f_iTG1CsQBs

[coppice]

Also, this is definitely worth a listen: https://youtu.be/f_iTG1CsQBs

I'd never heard of him before. Good find.

[SuntUnMorcov]

I'd never heard of him before. Good find.

Well, I can't take the credit for this one, unfortunately.  One of my colleagues at Rolls-Royce sent this over to me a few years ago, but I found it absolutely hilarious and had to share it with you folks.

We used to have an inside joke at RR: Before you work in the aerospace industry, you might have a phobia of flying.  But give it a couple of years and that fear will be completely justified.

[coppice]

I'd never heard of him before. Good find.

Well, I can't take the credit for this one, unfortunately.  One of my colleagues at Rolls-Royce sent this over to me a few years ago, but I found it absolutely hilarious and had to share it with you folks.

We used to have an inside joke at RR: Before you work in the aerospace industry, you might have a phobia of flying.  But give it a couple of years and that fear will be completely justified.

It doesn't take a couple of years. A few minutes watching a fitter pushing wiring looms into place with their steel toes boot is usually enough.

[SuntUnMorcov]

I'd never heard of him before. Good find.

Well, I can't take the credit for this one, unfortunately.  One of my colleagues at Rolls-Royce sent this over to me a few years ago, but I found it absolutely hilarious and had to share it with you folks.

We used to have an inside joke at RR: Before you work in the aerospace industry, you might have a phobia of flying.  But give it a couple of years and that fear will be completely justified.

It doesn't take a couple of years. A few minutes watching a fitter pushing wiring looms into place with their steel toes boot is usually enough.

Oh, I see you work in the industry too.  My favourite one is watching someone trying to force two MIL-SPEC connectors of the same shell size, but different pin arrangements, together by any forcible means necessary.

But you're right - I think we said years in an attempt to be somewhat optimistic.  In reality, it is as you say. 

[coppice]

I'd never heard of him before. Good find.

Well, I can't take the credit for this one, unfortunately.  One of my colleagues at Rolls-Royce sent this over to me a few years ago, but I found it absolutely hilarious and had to share it with you folks.

We used to have an inside joke at RR: Before you work in the aerospace industry, you might have a phobia of flying.  But give it a couple of years and that fear will be completely justified.

It doesn't take a couple of years. A few minutes watching a fitter pushing wiring looms into place with their steel toes boot is usually enough.

Oh, I see you work in the industry too.  My favourite one is watching someone trying to force two MIL-SPEC connectors of the same shell size, but different pin arrangements, together by any forcible means necessary.

But you're right - I think we said years in an attempt to be somewhat optimistic.  In reality, it is as you say. 

The ATR boxes with lever handles can put ENORMOUS pressure on the connectors on the back. Its almost like those handles are designed to mate those connectors, whether those connectors are the correct types or not.

[Berni]

At least those MIL spec connectors are built like a tank, so they better handle such square peg into round hole scenarios.

With more consumer grade connectors the plastic keying is merely a brief inconvenience to the 300lb gorilla pushing the wrong two things together as eventually the plastic bends out of the way or breaks off to let them finally get it in.

Also avoid using fine pitch JST style connectors for things that purely mechanical engineers are going to be putting together. Had to support them on a product that had a PCB with lots of those inside. Every so often i would get a torn up connector to fix... DON'T unplug it by pulling it out by the cable at an angle! Use a frigi'n screwdriver to pop it out! But apparently that concept is difficult to grasp.

[posatomic]

You commonly hear the saying, that there exists such an F force that allows you to mate a PC molex connector backwards.

Well, we had military personnel as our customers who had such an F force that allowed them to mate D-sub connectors backwards. We were not surprised, but we were amazed nevertheless.

[bsfeechannel]

I had the military as customers a while ago. They used to tell us that we should design our products for them with the least number of connectors. In the field the equipment would be operated by a ham-handed, fat-fingered sergeant, not by a trained technician.

[G7PSK]

I had the military as customers a while ago. They used to tell us that we should design our products for them with the least number of connectors. In the field the equipment would be operated by a ham-handed, fat-fingered sergeant, not by a trained technician.

The military are not as good at breaking things as farmers, I have seen them break steel beams not bend break clean in two, nothing is safe in their hands.

[coppice]

I had the military as customers a while ago. They used to tell us that we should design our products for them with the least number of connectors. In the field the equipment would be operated by a ham-handed, fat-fingered sergeant, not by a trained technician.

They say that, but then seem delighted when you present them with a design where the box has a block of six 106 way connectors on the back, mating with the rest of the system.

[Gribo]

Worked as a PC technician years ago, The force required for mating D connectors backwards (VGA in this case) is quite low, an 80 years old granny could and did just that..

[coppice]

Worked as a PC technician years ago, The force required for mating D connectors backwards (VGA in this case) is quite low, an 80 years old granny could and did just that..

That depends on the quality of the connectors. Good D types are hard to mis-mate, but some are so poorly toleranced you can plug them in one pin space to each side, or in reverse.

[Berni]

VGA is probably the easiest of them to force in backwards because the pins are so much thinner.

Tho Dsub connectors do sometimes seam to be affected by the famous USB quantum superposition where you need to turn a USB plug around 3 times before its oriented correctly to fit. Brand new USB sockets tend to particularly encourage the occurrence of such a superposition.

At least that is one problem that the 3.5mm TRRS jack doesn't suffer from.

[Cyberdragon]

Tho Dsub connectors do sometimes seam to be affected by the famous USB quantum superposition where you need to turn a USB plug around 3 times before its oriented correctly to fit. Brand new USB sockets tend to particularly encourage the occurrence of such a superposition.

I made that into gag in a near-future sci-fi tale. Where supposedly reversable USB has become more standard but one-way sockets are still used. The villain steals the plans for a super reactor from the hero but it's on some cheap USB drive and when she tries to plug it into the uber quantum supercomputer system it doesn't fit and she gets all mad "Stupid cheap non-reversable funny shaped USB sticks won't fit into anything!"

her henchmen: "uh...madam..."

"WHAT?!"

"it's upsidedown..."

"Is it really?" *click* "Oh..."

*tied up hero laughs*

[vk6zgo]

A bit off topic:-

How does "Captain Jack Sparrer" maintain his fitness?

Pilates of the Caribbean!