Stuck in a rut for years

[jpanhalt]

Glad to see you have an open mind.   

[RJSV]

   Eti:
   Best advice, short-term, is to see these advice bubbles as pixels...just pixels making words on your screen.  You can just 'collect' them for now, and then later you can sort thru, to whatever degree.
   It was 'no crime', when I asked similar questions...and 'no crime' when an occasional replies were with a slight 'sting'. Yeah, but just pixels, and I had put questions out there (forum), that invited folks to examine my approach / motivations.
Heck, as long as you don't run around breaking laws, ASK AWAY and let a bit of apparent criticism ebb and flow.
    I HAD been thinking of mentioning, it's difficult to pull  off a personal improvement campaign when struggling to make ends meet, food and rent and all other distractions.  Eight hour worth of work to do, yesterday.
I got, like 1 1/2 hours actually done...the rest spent walking to store, doing the part-time animal care job etc.
   Yes, a bit of 'fun' you should try to have, in your work.
Thanks, for reading, eti !

[ebastler]

That is EXACTLY what I say! You are spot on there.

I’ll reply when I’m ready to.

what works well for one, doesn’t work for the other. I sense you are “projecting”

** This is appalling "advice".

Without exception, you have only acknowledged comments so far which told you what you wanted to hear, and have procrastinated on or rejected other advice. I hope that rut you are stuck in is comfortable enough, since you seem bound to stay in there.

Nevertheless I have one more suggestion to offer. From your posting stats and recent post timestamps, it seems that you have established a daily rhythm where you are awake through the night and probably sleep during the day. If this is not related to some night-shift job but is your personal choice, I would strongly suggest that you try switching this around. Walks in the sunlight and interactions with other people are good for most of us, and missing out on them may drag you down. And just changing something in your life may be a first step to getting out of that rut, by giving you a fresh perspective and signaling to yourself that things are in motion.

Apologies if this should come across as too intrusive or if I misinterpreted your posting times. And cof course you are free to reject or procrastinate... 

[eti]

That is EXACTLY what I say! You are spot on there.

I’ll reply when I’m ready to.

what works well for one, doesn’t work for the other. I sense you are “projecting”

** This is appalling "advice".

Without exception, you have only acknowledged comments so far which told you what you wanted to hear, and have procrastinated on or rejected other advice. I hope that rut you are stuck in is comfortable enough, since you seem bound to stay in there.

Nevertheless I have one more suggestion to offer. From your posting stats and recent post timestamps, it seems that you have established a daily rhythm where you are awake through the night and probably sleep during the day. If this is not related to some night-shift job but is your personal choice, I would strongly suggest that you try switching this around. Walks in the sunlight and interactions with other people are good for most of us, and missing out on them may drag you down. And just changing something in your life may be a first step to getting out of that rut, by giving you a fresh perspective and signaling to yourself that things are in motion.

Apologies if this should come across as too intrusive or if I misinterpreted your posting times. And cof course you are free to reject or procrastinate... 

You're actually spot on. I'm sorry if my guard was up and I reacted defensively toward you. I'll get to reply to all posts when I have more time. Thanks again my friend. I've dealt with lots off pushy, "advice"-foisting officious, "officials" over 4 years, and it's made me somewhat defensive end cynical, not traits I enjoy having, and which certainly not part of my natural character. 

I'm sorry.

[Geoff-AU]

I've dealt with lots off pushy, "advice"-foisting officious, "officials" over 4 years, and it's made me somewhat defensive end cynical, not traits I enjoy having, and which certainly not part of my natural character. 

The irony of being defensive against the advice offered, when you asked for advice to start with, is delicious.  I would also contend that if it's your natural reaction then it has become your natural character.  You can change it again, of course, but it will take time and practice to foster the natural attitude that you want to hold.

And to be fully disclosed, I have also rapidly switched to the defensive when showing a design for comment and receiving way more "room for improvement" points than expected    So I cannot claim to be any better, I'm just having a chuckle because I've been there too.

You just gotta change something, or a few things... whatever seems like a vaguely sensible idea.  I was in a rut for a while (job was stagnant) and told my boss I wanted to cut back to 4 days a week and have the 5th day for my own projects.  I really had no ideas other than "I gotta do something else for 1 day a week or I'll be stuck here forever".  I remained on call for them in case of disasters but I picked up some contract work which opened my mind to new people and ideas, it refreshed my self confidence and I ultimately changed day jobs which brought new learnings.

One of my neighbours once said "if I'm not moving forwards, I'm moving backwards".  It's very true, because if you stay still then everyone around you still makes progress.  But at the same time, you need to work out a sustainable pace.  You can either run at a steady marathon pace, but if you are prone to sprinting then you need some recovery time now and then.  It is impossible to sprint, and then sprint again, and then sprint again.  Your performance gets worse each time without a rest.  But you may also find that landing in the right place, your enthusiasm returns and you have more energy than you thought you would.

I also echo ebastler's suggestion that a daytime routine, where you get some Vitamin D and talk to people, is a healthy thing.  If you're out and about and talking to people then you'll discover opportunities of all kinds.

[hans]

It's a little ironic, then again everyone can respond in an emotional manner from time to time.. however I've sat in therapy rooms where I've seen the exact same thing happen. People literally fled to breathe fresh air. Confrontation is never easy and not best done (e.g. hard to do) over written mediums via internet, in my honest opinion. Communication about this stuff in-person is often not easy as it already is, as certain details can be left unspoken about that you can spot with body language (which we can't over internet). Every confrontation or "advice" from someone else has a certain bias and possibly mismatch from that person as well.

In my [group] therapy experience I had during burnout, I've had explained that one of the main rules is to not give advice. You can share experiences, offer them to help or invite them, but only if the other person asks as in the end people can only fix themselves, as harsh as that may sound sometimes. As I said w.r.t. jobcoaching and relationships with employers, or every other relationship; don't get me wrong.. there still needs to be a clear ownership of who's 'stuff' is on who to fix. No one is perfect. 2 people that are arguing together almost always means 2 people are at fault, as each person has had chances to deescalate, forgive or react in more emphatic vs confrontational ways.

If you can identify personally what you're struggling with, what ways there are to improve and cope, then all the power to you.

[SiliconWizard]

Haven't read it all here. But just stating the obvious. If one feels "stuck", there's an obvious cure: just start moving. Start doing something. Almost anything will do. The rest will unfold. You can't expect to get out of a rut if you keep procrastinating.

[thm_w]

Without exception, you have only acknowledged comments so far which told you what you wanted to hear, and have procrastinated on or rejected other advice. I hope that rut you are stuck in is comfortable enough, since you seem bound to stay in there.

Nevertheless I have one more suggestion to offer. From your posting stats and recent post timestamps, it seems that you have established a daily rhythm where you are awake through the night and probably sleep during the day. If this is not related to some night-shift job but is your personal choice, I would strongly suggest that you try switching this around. Walks in the sunlight and interactions with other people are good for most of us, and missing out on them may drag you down. And just changing something in your life may be a first step to getting out of that rut, by giving you a fresh perspective and signaling to yourself that things are in motion.

Apologies if this should come across as too intrusive or if I misinterpreted your posting times. And cof course you are free to reject or procrastinate... 

Good that someone checked, not too surprised.

It is incredibly difficult to be healthy, motivated, and useful if you are not awake during normal daylight hours, and get some level of exercise.
Sure some people can do it, but the majority? no.

[jonpaul]

pick a life goal, focus on accomplishing it

become an optimist

sulking, complaining and grudge does nothing

think like an airline pilot, surgeon or battlefield commander

Jon