funny stories about extraordinarily cheap engineers

[sarepairman2]

I am not at liberty to say but I am sure some of you have good engineering stories.

like that time when your manager had you pull some strands out of wire that is being put into product so it can be sold off as scrap 

[Mechanical Menace]

Not someone I worked for but I knew someone who would weigh incoming materials then weigh the final product and collected swarf, if the two didn't match the machinist was fined/had pay docked.

[langwadt]

Not someone I worked for but I knew someone who would weigh incoming materials then weigh the final product and collected swarf, if the two didn't match the machinist was fined/had pay docked.

if you are working with platinum or gold that isn't so crazy

[Mechanical Menace]

if you are working with platinum or gold that isn't so crazy

True, but this was just steel and aluminium alloys. He was a friend* and has his good points but is the sort of fella who will drive 60 miles to save a few pence a litre on fuel...


*Probably still is but we haven't talked in almost 2 years so never know.

[SeanB]

Years ago my dad wanted some brass plugs turned for a job. He costed the material, the length of hex brass rod per unit, the wasted material and this gave him a price point for internal machinist work if nothing else was available ( would disrupt schedules and delay urgent mine work though, or take a long time if done during idle periods when there were no mine trucks and cars in for overhaul) then put out to tender to the local machinists.

The quote from the one came in, at exactly the cost of the raw stock he had calculated per unit. He asked the owner how he got that price, and he replied that he had done the same calculation, but that, as the hex brass would lose around half the mass per piece, the money he would get for the scrap brass would more than cover his costs for the job, and leave him a good profit as well.

He got the job......

[HAL-42b]

This is not unusual for machining of brass. Job shops would take machining of brass fittings just for the price of the scrap and nothing else.  Brass machines easy and there is a lot of it turned into chips. One machinist was talking about 60% of the raw stock being turned into chips and 40% being the final part.

[SeanB]

This is not unusual for machining of brass. Job shops would take machining of brass fittings just for the price of the scrap and nothing else.  Brass machines easy and there is a lot of it turned into chips. One machinist was talking about 60% of the raw stock being turned into chips and 40% being the final part.

I had a brass bush made once, started with 30kg of brass block, finished off with 1kg of thin wall bush....

Got clever the next time, Vesconite is a lot cheaper than brass, and machines nicely. Still have the left over piece, along with the PTFE rod, that I bought for that, turned a few bushes out of them. Now I did have to buy a few adjustable reamers to fit the shafting, but those at least are multi use items. Not a set yet, but getting close to one, buying piece by piece.

[manzini]

About 20 years ago, we have a young trainee, a very willing person and very competent.

We had a problem with some metal piece that could not stand the efforts. Almost all suppliers we serve parts only made of brass.

I was very busy, I was responsible for about a hundred engineers, more overworked than me.

I thought I'd give the order because it was easy, and also picked more leverage for taking safety decisions. It would be a good chance, because his work was always revised. If he was wrong, he would be part of their training.

I remember dispatching in a room with more than ten persons (they later paid the beers, but that comes at the end) and called him to come and explain.

He came, I explained the problem (I admit, very quickly) and had to find suppliers that make these little pieces but of a free oxidel, conductor and also would support physical punishment, but they were easily replaceable.

He left but returned very quickly. "What alloy?" While I just then had an interruption to the phone, during ten colleages remaining, and I pulled away the phone and said, "No matter, it's a prototype, evaluate and take your decision and we will prove it, no matter the price or are made of kryptonite"

A few hours later, a very reliable supplier sent me an email email quote with "10 pieces N mm x etc etc kryptonite $ 10 Billion / each" (a joke)

I was about to delete the message without more, but I was a thinking little seconds, didn't understand anything, not April.1 .... (I was very stressed and did not remember the small dispatch at morning)

.. Ups! under the message was the original email from the young trainee .......

I called him and asked:

"Hello, How was your assignment?"
Not very well, no one has answered me yet, even suppliers marked as fast, either. I assure you that sent it to the right people.

"Exactly what you asked?" (I knew, I put up my laughter staring into his eyes)
Therefore, to ensure the mission, the alloy that you mentioned, "kryptonite".

"Do you know what is kryptonite?"
A new alloy?

All the nearby group burst out laughing and me too.
The poor young was there seriously and was turning red, while I saw in his eyes that was not sarcasm honestly did not know the kryptonite sarcasm.

Thinking that the joke would be only on a few suppliers, I asked about the mailing list to apologize and I give a list of more than 100 companies. There I got red and I was serious, I paid the price of my stupid sarcasm. nobody reads Superman comics? I had no other than congratulate him "good job, you've really been fast & effective."

During some years after I was with him, overcame their training, occasionally when asked difficult or ambiguos things I responded sarcastically "must be made with kryptonite?"

I left more than 10 years ago, currently this person takes my place with great success (and it keeps reminding me the rude joke) and tells me that internally retain the use of the keyword "kryptonite" when a client asks them somewhat ambiguous or uncertain results.

[T3sl4co1l]

Unobtainium is probably a bit more direct, but some will still miss the joke...

Tim

[manzini]

Unobtainium is probably a bit more direct, but some will still miss the joke...

Tim

superb!   

I do not send apologies or clarifications to everyone, in many cases only a cancellation without explicit apologies. But days and weeks after we kept coming requests to confirm the order, with the price !!!!.  Part of the joke helped us debug some providers.

[Shadetreeprops]

I am not at liberty to say but I am sure some of you have good engineering stories.

like that time when your manager had you pull some strands out of wire that is being put into product so it can be sold off as scrap 

My shadey ass boss has me do this all the time, but for entire 40 cubic yard dumpsters of miltary grade scraped or tossed equipment..and then pockets the company money.

i have a huge file of evidence, should he ever try to throw me under a bus to save himself...and i even have voice recordings, pictures, texts..photocopied recipts, checks..you know INSURENCE!